where do i begin?

where do i begin. so as most of you know/can tell i’ve done a pretty poor job at updating this blog. so here i am giving you a summary about my life since i last posted about a year ago and some back story of how it all played out.

 

i’ll begin with taking you back to my training camp in july of 2018. i was filled with fear, doubts, and did NOT want to go on the race. i came home and my mom said to me i could see you going back out and Alumni Team Leading, which is 3 more months on the field setting up the next squad to launch well, but little did that woman know i wasn’t planning on going on my race. up until i left america on September 11th the plan was to only go for a month for you guys who had supported me because at least i could say “i tried”.

as soon as i landed in Ecuador i fell in LOVE. with the people, the country, the way of life, all of it. i didn’t know a lot about myself at this point and very little about the Lord i stiff armed the big man for a few months not believing this holy, powerful, loving God could actually be real. but what i did know was i loved loving on people. i loved showing people how i saw them and reminding them of how special they were when they didn’t feel it and this was something i never wanted to stop doing. after 3 months of being on the field and 3 months of living in deep doubt that the lord was even real and then feeling ashamed for feeling that way, i decided to take a step towards this idea of a heavenly father instead of taking more and more steps back. i was filled with excitement, perspective, wisdom, questions, and a desire to want to know more. the father opened my eyes to see him, to hear him, to trust him, to believe in something so big and so crazy but so real. for the first time in my entire life of being a christian i found out what it meant to have a relationship with my father in heaven. this dad of mine talks to me all the time, he cares, he protects, he listens, and provides. he’s someone i am able to put my trust in, he’s the reason i so deeply wanted to love, and he loves me.. a whole lot! our relationship grew so quickly; revelation after revelation. wisdom, knowledge and all the things. i couldn’t get enough of his presence. 

midpoint debrief rolled around and i told the lord if he wanted me to alumni team lead he needed to send someone to ask me. i get to debrief discussions about team leading are happening but no one asked me. so surely that meant i wasn’t suppose to do it… lol so wrong. i wrestled for the next 3 months on what to do. i mean really where do you start? 19 year old missionary what do?? i settled for planning on going to community college so i could have something to say but it never felt right. toward the end of month 8 out of 9 my squad leader Jackie asked me if i had thought about team leading that her and my mentor had been praying about me potentially leading. hmm and there’s the person you sent to ask me, really funny God. i prayed all month about it going back and forth, not feeling capable to lead people spiritually, wanting to go home and be comfortable for a little while, not living out of a backpack and then getting really excited. i sat down and weighed pros and cons, strengths and weaknesses and God just took every weakness and every con and showed me them through his eyes. he showed me how he was the one equipping me and how i wouldn’t lack anything. i sat and talked with my mentor on the porch of our Cambodian home, telling her everything the lord had spoken and done in my heart and telling her i felt like team leading was what he was calling me to. normally you stay with your mentor when team leading but she had actually been praying for me to lead with someone else. as she started to describe Madie i began to feel even more peace and confirmation. when she was done i asked where i would be going and just so you know one of my cons of team leading was not getting to go back to guatemala in the summer and sure enough guatemala was where i’d be heading back to for another 3 months. i started crying spent sometime with the lord and gave him and kate my yes.

i finished up my race which was so bitter sweet. leaving the 40 people i had called family for the past 9 months was one of the hardest things i’ve had to do. allowing for that season to end and a new one to begin was hard but i was expectant on where the lord was leading me next.

at final debrief i was standing on the beach praying to the lord asking him what he was speaking over this next season and he said abundance. which was the key that was prophetically given to me at the beginning of my race. i didn’t really like the word i wanted something with deeper meaning and something different but i heard it as clear as day and couldn’t argue with that.

i came home to tennessee spent some special time with my family and friends getting to love on them and be loved before i headed out for another 3 months. the summer was busy and a little discouraging i was starting to realize how hard it was to fight for things i wanted to being back in the place that felt so normal but being a different person. the race felt like i dream. which was quickly reawakened when i went back to training camp for the squad i was team leading for.

i was so afraid stepping back into the place i was a year ago but was met with awe as i remembered where i started and where i had come. i wasn’t the person who stood here a year ago. i was a woman who knew her identity, and rested in her father’s identity of being a protector, comforter, and trustworthy. i was filled with excitement and an eagerness to share ALL the things i learned and saw with these new people. i was over team 3.2. which is the average pace someone walks at. this team wanted to be a team who was never in a hurry and missed people along the way. they were a team who was going to live like jesus always being ready to be interrupted. at the end of training camp i got asked if i would take on a second team. team p31. which stands for proverbs 31 which is the women they sought to walk like each and everyday. i sat with God telling him if he wanted me to lead both teams he would have to give me greater capacity because i was not willing to lead any less intentionally and he reminded me, “brittany i’ve promised you abundance.” so i said yes to leading 7 more incredible women. i went home for 6 weeks before heading back to atlanta georgia for launch. 

stepping back into guatemala was difficult i didn’t want to let other people into my memory of my favorite place. i liked it how it was. but the lord quickly softened my heart and gave me an excitement to share something so special with these women. 

team leading was something i never knew i would love but i so quickly fell in love with discipling these 12 women. it definitely wasn’t easy. but it was so worth it and i would choose these girls over and over again. 

the lord had asked me not to plan stepping into this season to be fully present and take advantage of every moment and so i did. i surrendered thoughts about the future and trusted that the lord would reveal to me what was next when the time was right and sure enough he did.

about 2 months in i had spent the night with some of my friends and they were bringing me to church in the morning to meet up with the rest of the squad but for some reason only madie (the squad mentor) and kyndal (squad leader) were there and kyndal was going out to eat with a friend after so it would just be madie and i hanging out. in church my friend gabe leaned over and whispered to me “god is a god who takes us from glory to glory.” it was a comforting word to hear as a great season was coming to an end. getting to hold onto the truth the more and better was to come. church ends and madie and i get some food and catch up. she had known that i was going to squad lead for 5 months but had been waiting to ask. she knew the time would be right to ask and she’d have permission from the lord when i talked about surrender. and guess what i talked about?? yep, surrender! the lord had been preparing my heart all along to stay the whole 9 months. my mom had said when i got home from the second training camp “you’re not coming home are you?” i said yes to an additional 6 months away from home. i said yes to continue leading 40 amazing men and women. and i said yes to ethiopia, thailand, and malaysia. i was met with so much love and tears and excitement and encouragement from the teams i led and the entire squad. 

instead of flying home for christmas i flew to ethiopia, to spend 3 months in a village far away from the city with no connection. the lord had promised me i would go to africa, specially an orphanage in africa, when i was a little girl and sure enough that’s where i was headed. it was a challenging three months it was nothing what i had expected but exactly what i needed. i grew in so many ways and fell in love with the most amazing people. i watched as my teams stepped into more and more growth and cried with pride for these people i love and am so proud of. gap w watching you grow has been the most amazing experience i’m am so proud to call you all my people. and as i type this in a hotel bed in addis waiting to fly out to thailand tomorrow i can’t help but smile as i look back and can see how this crazy adventure so perfectly unfolded.

thanks for reading this brief recap of my past year. thank you for your prayers and support. 3 more months of this 18 month journey and then a lifetime more of saying yes to the lord‘s plans and i can’t wait to see how much more there is to come.