Emotions On Emotions

In just 4 short days I will be headed to Atlanta Georgia for launch and then to Quito, Ecuador I go!

So I’m going be honest and vulnerable with you. I’m really scared and all of these goodbyes suck!!

For most people the transition between training camp and launch is difficult. At training camp you are on this church high, then you come home and go right back to where you left off. Some experience a lot of emotions and have a hard time adjusting and preparing to leave home again; but for real this time.

However, I thought because I wasn’t emotional I was doing great. I had no problems transitioning because home is where I love to be. But recently I realized that I may not be okay. And for a very emotional girl like myself, not crying was concerning. I think I was pushing the thoughts of leaving under the rug. I didn’t think about it. I didn’t deal with it and I know that’s not what I needed. I needed to be dealing with it. I needed to accept this was reality and turn to God. But I wanted to be strong and excited for the people who would always ask how I was doing. I was too afraid to say I was scared because, after all, this is what I signed up for.  

Emotions: A natural instinctive state of mind deriving from one’s circumstances, mood, or relationships with others.

I believe emotions are ok. They are a reaction just like a sneeze or a cough. When your body senses something in your respiratory track or throat it automatically sends a signal to your brain to send out a reaction to deal with the problem. Just as a yawn lets your body know you’re tired, an emotion tells you something too. Your body is doing what it’s suppose to do when you have a breakdown because you are overwhelmed, or cry because you’re saying goodbye. Whereas this is true, you DON’T have to let those emotions consume you. Think, “Why am I sad?” Answer, “I am leaving for a long time and I’m not sure I’m ready to say goodbye.” Now that you have an answer you can deal with the root of the problem. 

So YES, I’m scared, overwhelmed, sad, and so much more. But, I’m also EXCITED and READY!

I’m excited to be used by God. I’m ready to bring hope and love to people that might not know Him. I’m excited to be a living reminder of how great our God is, and I am ready to leave my home. Because even though I’m getting attacked on all sides, God goes before me today and tomorrow. He fights all of my battles. The battles are not mine to fight. When I try to do it on my own it only brings more fear and anxiety, because I’m not meant to do it on my own. God’s shoulders are a whole lot bigger than mine. He calls me to hand over my worries and burdens and cast them onto Him. He cares for us and He fights our battles leaving the enemy already dead by the time we get there to fight.

Although I do not know what to expect on this trip. I had never stayed a night in a tent until training camp. I have never left the country. I have never gone on a mission trip. I do not know all the Bible verses that some people do, and sometimes I feel really unqualified for this trip. I believe we are all qualified not because of what we have done or can do, but because of what He did. He qualified each and everyone of us on the cross. So through these emotions and battles my eyes will be fixed on Him. Even though I’m nervous I will continue to step out in faith. I will continue to worship and trust Him before the victory because He is God and He deserves all the honor and praise.